Just for Fun: An Identity Thief’s Christmas

December, we rejoiced in the spirit of giving, danced in the snowflakes, celebrated with holiday cheer, and… witnessed lots and lots of mail and package thefts.

In the spirit of the holidays (yeah, yeah, we know it’s almost February!) we thought we’d bring you a little Christmas poem, courtesy of Identity Theft Resource Center:

A Mail Thief’s Christmas

’Twas the night before Christmas and all through the house
Imposters were preparing to play cat and mouse
How many ways could they cheat and steal
Leaving unwary shoppers with all sorts of bills?
Unlocked mailboxes full of envelopes abound
Thieves even take cards with money to be spent in town
Crowded shopping malls draw large crowds a waiting
Debit cards, credit cards and checks for the taking.
My cash and credit cards are gone, cried one woman in despair
But her thief was already shopping without a moment of care
Your Social Security number is like a Christmas feast
For an imposter who really is an evil beast.
After a long day of stealing, counting the money they stole
The thieves stoked their fire with a few embers of coal
Down the chimney came Santa in an angry huff
“I definitely have some words for you scraggly bunch.
“People have the right to enjoy the holidays with glee
“But you greedy thieves only think of one thing — that’s me, me, me!
“If you plan to get gifts, have another thought
You’re going to lose the loot you fraudulently bought.
“I have a message from the businesses you hurt
And the victims you treated no better than dirt
“You are not very clever or even smart
What you’ve done hurts the season and breaks my heart.
“If you think you’re getting my identity you are out of your minds
There’s only one spot for thieves of your kind.”
In a bright twinkling moment, the door was kicked in
By uniformed elves — Wilma, Kat and Brian.
They handcuffed the thieves in a magical flash
“You’ll pay for your crimes, and it won’t be with cash
“Identity theft is a crime and we will not rest
Until the last imposter is one of our guests!
“Forget future holidays, treats and bail,
Identity thieves are going to jail!”

A word to the wise… just because it’s January does not mean you can breath a sigh of relief. Mail theft actually tends to increase in the new year, with the plethora of sensitive tax related and personal documents going out on the mail. So remember, be vigilant and use a high security locking mailbox to thwart mail-identity thieves!